Bones break
by meg596
Summary: Logically she knew there was nothing she could do but emotionally she was screaming.
1. Chapter 1

Bones wasn't sure what to do when she first heard it, whether to be logical or emotional. She knew that logically there wasn't much she could do to stop it. Yet that didn't stop her from wanting to scream, to ask 'why me?' If it were anywhere else she would be able to compartmentalise, but this was her _brain._ The brain was one thing she valued the most, her intellect was the thing that made her _bones_ and without it what would she be?. So as she sat in front of the doctor she asked, she asked the one thing that would change her life.  
"What grade is it?" the doctor looked down, as if preparing herself for the worst.  
"At the moment it is grade three but by the looks of it and the time length of your symptoms it will quickly progress to stage four. At that stage there will not be much we can do. Right now, there are two things we can do, you can have surgery which we think will be the best option. This is then followed by a round of radiotherapy to make sure we have killed off all the cancer cells. If, during surgery we find that the cancer has spread then the only course of action is chemo-therapy." Her doctor explained all this whilst Bones just looked on, her face vacant. When the doctor was done Bones took a deep breath.  
"May…. May I have time to think about it?" she asked. The doctor frowned  
"You may but we recommend that you don't take too long. This cancer is known to spread rapidly" Bones nodded and thanked the doctor before grabbing her things and leaving.

When she got to the car she placed her head on the wheel and tried not to cry. She would not let this hurt her, she was Temperance Brennan and god damn it she would not cry. She took a deep breath as her phone rang. She looked at the ID and calmed herself down slightly. It would do no good to worry him.  
"Hey Booth" she said as she answered the phone, trying to keep her voice steady.  
"Bones, where are you? Cam said that you weren't coming in today?" Bones wanted to cry at the concern in his voice.  
"I'm okay, I think I have food poising, I have been up most of the morning being sick." She was impressed with the lie. There was a moments silence before the agent answered.  
"Do you want me to come around? I can bring some medicine"  
"There is no need Booth, I have adequate provisions and besides without you who would catch the bad guys?" Bones could hear him sigh on the other end of phone.  
"Okay but call me if you need me or… or I don't know you run out of books to read or something" Bones laughed  
"That would be impossible Booth, there a trillions of books that we know of in the world, not to mention that ones that we don't know about, it would take-"  
"You know what I mean Bones… look I got to go, get better soon."  
"Bye Booth" and then she hung up the phone. The rest of the day she sat at home debating her position. She didn't know what to do, having the operation would give her the best possible chance of survival. If the operation went wrong however it mean that her brain would die, or at least aspects of it. If that happened she could lose her memory or not be able to do her job and if she wasn't a forensic anthropologist then what was she?. As she was debating this there was a knock at the door, reluctantly she went to open it, only to find Booth stood there, soup in one hand and medicine in the other.

"Hey"  
"Hey, I thought you were on a case"  
"Yet here I am, how are you feeling." She wanted to say that she felt like her world was being ripped into two but instead she swallowed that and answered with a  
"Better than before." Booth smiled and walked into the apartment, he placed the soup on the table alongside the medicine.  
"I know you said you may have food poisoning, but I thought maybe if you could stomach it then maybe you could eat some soup. I wasn't sure what you needed either so I just kind of got you a bit of everything" he said pointing to the bag of medicine. Bones smiled  
"Thanks Booth" and as the settled down onto her couch Booth put on crappy TV and gave Bones her soup.  
"So have you been to the doctors?" he asked. Bones nodded

"Well, what did they say?" he inquired. She shrugged  
"Not much, they gave me some medicine and told me I'd be okay" She cringed technically she was telling the truth, they did give her some medicine tell her that it would be okay. Booth seemed to except it and launched into a tale about Parker wanting to become a 'squint' and Bones had laughed. As Booth continued on saying that it was an atrocity that they'd turned his son into a geek Brennan smiled and made a decision. As of right now she couldn't tell anyone about her situation. Not until she knew what she was going to do.


	2. Chapter 2

The next couple of weeks consisted of distancing herself from Booth and her friends. They of course knew something was wrong. Angela had even gone as far as to demand that Cam refused Brennan access to the lab whilst Hodgins said he would use 'other methods' to get her to talk. The only one that had backed off slightly was Booth. The two had argued when Bones had withdrawn from field work. He had of course yelled at her, demanding that she didn't leave him. When she had explained that her place was at the Jeffersonian. He had promptly told her that her place was beside him before storming out. They had had minimal contact since then and Brennan liked it that way, if she died then it would hurt him less. It would also be harder to hide her sickness from Booth since she was so tired and spent the majority of the time trying not to throw up. Nether the less she knew she was doing the right thing and was happy, that was until he rang. She wasn't sure what he wanted since she had made it clear they were no longer partners but still she went to his office.

When she got there she found him sat at his desk, solemn. He invited her to sit down. She sat across from him as he took a deep breath.  
"They're getting me a new partner" he said. Bones felt like she'd been sucker punched. She knew, of course that it was inevitable, but she still felt slightly betrayed.  
"Who?" she asked. Booth shrugged  
"Does it matter?" he questioned.  
"Who?" she repeated. Booth looked down  
"Just some FBI agent, you don't know him"  
"What about the Jeffersonian?" she asked. Booth looked down, saddened that she hadn't been more defensive.  
"I'll still work as the liaison but… it'll be like it was before"  
"So… no more full on involvement?" Booth nodded. There was a moment of silence before he eventually spoke.  
"What did I do wrong Bones? Why are you leaving me?" he asked, his voice breaking. Brennan looked down, trying to stop the tears, it seemed like she'd been doing that a lot recently.  
"You did nothing Booth… I wanted to experience the world and you gave me the opportunity to do so but now… I just think it would be best for me to leave the investigating to you. Now, if you excuse me I need to get back to work." As she turned to leave she looked at him one more time  
"I know this is confusing Booth, but I want you to know you did nothing wrong, you were one of my reasons for staying" and then she turned to leave just as Booths heart broke a little bit more.

Sweets liked to believe that he knew the answers, or most of them at least but as Booth ranted to him he could not find a solution.  
"I don't understand Sweets and you must know I'm desperate right now." Sweets laughed  
"Of course, so you are saying that she's pulling away and as far as you know is skinnier and paler." Booth nodded.  
"Look, I'll look into it and tell you if there is anything that is wrong."  
"That's all I ask."

Later that night Sweets found himself in the lab, most of the workers had gone home but he had a feeling she wouldn't. He was correct in assuming she was there, he was about to enter when he heard her retching. Slowly he opened the door to find her face in a bin and the stench of sick. When she looked up she paled even further.  
"Sweets what are you doing here?" she asked. Sweets stared at her for a moment  
"I was hoping we could talk?" he asked. She nodded  
"Okay but let me dispose of this first." Then as she got up to do just that, he stopped her  
"Let me" and before she could protest he picked up the bag of sick and took it to the lab to dispose of it. When he came back he carried two glasses of water, handing one to Brennan he sat down.  
"So, what's wrong?" she asked. He stared at her, she looked ill and he was worried.  
"Your friends are worried about you" he explained. She smiled  
"I know but I have told them I am fine" He screwed his eyes up in annoyance.  
"You don't sound fine Doctor Brennan, you are withdrawing from field work, avoiding Agent Booth and not talking to your friends" he listed her actions like they were nothing but they both knew something was wrong. Dr Brennan hung her head  
"I'm fine" she reiterated. The phycologist wanted to take pity and stop his line of questioning, but it would do her no good.  
"You have just been throwing up Doctor Brennan, that does not look fine to me" he said. Brennan looked like she was going to cry. Sweets took a deep breath  
"Doctor Brennan, I may be here on behalf of your friends and colleagues but I am your phycologist first and foremost which means that unless you are a danger to yourself and others then anything you tell me will be kept confidential." Brennan looked up, she knew that. Sweets smiled at her warmly  
"More than that… I am your friend, I know you dislike my methods Doctor Brennan, but I still feel like I am your friend and I am worried too." At this Brennans resolve cracked, she sniffled.  
"You said I compartmentalize." She began, Sweets nodded.  
"You said that not many people can do that, use logic to answer things and bury their feelings. Logically that means that you have met people who use compartmentalization." Sweets nodded, unsure of where she was going with her logic. Brennan took a deep breath

"What happens when the logical can no longer compartmentalize?" she asked. Sweets was confused before it clicked with him. She had found a situation in which she couldn't bury her feelings.

"I would say that in that situation a person that uses compartmentalization would feel their emotions ten fold. A person such as yourself usually uses logic so that they don't have to deal with the pain of what they are experiencing and as such if they can't use logic they must use emotions. Emotions are not their forte which means that they would not know how to handle them. What is it you can't compartmentalize Doctor Brennan?." Brennan looked scared, but she knew she had to tell someone.

"I have cancer, Astrocytoma. More commonly known as- "  
"Brain cancer, oh my god that's not awesome, I'm so sorry Doctor Brennan" the woman looked tired.  
"I know logically that there was nothing I could do, Cancer has no cure yet, but I just wonder sometimes if the world hates me Sweets." Tears began streaming down her face  
"First my mum and dad leave and then Russ and then my mum dies and my dad gets arrested as does Russ and I was abused in foster care and now this!. It's my brain Sweets, _my brain!"_ Sweets pulled her into a hug.

"Do you know what your options are?" he asked. Brennan nodded  
"They want to preform surgery but… what if it goes wrong Sweets? What if they remove my cancer but cut the part of my brain that makes me, me?" Sweets laughed  
"Doctor Brennan… if they don't do this then the cancer will only get stronger and will eventually kill you" Brennan looked defeated  
"I know…. I'm scared and I… I don't want to hurt them."  
"Booth and your friends?" friends was such a foreign concept to Brennan for most of her life and Sweets could understand why she was reluctant to lean on them. She had always had to fight for herself. Yet as much as the phycologist wanted to push her he knew it would do no good. The poor women looked exhausted, as such he held out his hand  
"Come on Doctor Brennan, it's time to go home. Tomorrow is a new day" it was a testament to how much of a wreck she was that she didn't fight him.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since she had told Sweets and the two had become close, of course they both had jobs to do but it was clear that they spent all their time together. Sweets had been helping Brennan understand her emotions better. That is what they were currently discussing, the two were sat in Bone's office as the doctor described the situation.  
"I knew that he would be getting a new partner, I practically insisted so why does it hurt so much?" she asked. Booth had entered her lab earlier that day with a man by his side, the man was small and barely said a word, seeming to be examining the lab instead. Brennan had told them of her findings and then quietly excused herself to call Sweets. The man had come as soon as he could and the two had talked.  
"You know why, you feel betrayed" he said. Brennan rolled her eyes  
"That's illogical, how can I feel betrayed by something that I _wanted_ to happen." Sweets smiled  
"Booth has been yours for such a long time, it can be hard to let go. Logically it doesn't make any sense to feel betrayed but _emotionally_ it does. You don't want him to move on." Brennan growled  
"I hate phycology" she grumbled. Sweets laughed  
"You hate feeling manipulated, phycology isn't manipulation, its an exploration" before she could reply there was a knock at the door. Angela walked in  
"I have the results you wanted" she said. Brennan nodded  
"Okay… I'll be there in a moment" she said. Sweets watched the interaction, amazed. As far as he could tell the two shouldn't work as friends, Angela was loud and energetic. She wanted to live and love whereas Brennan was more logical, wanting to find the reason for everything and didn't see the point in social skills. Yet the two had the strongest friendship that Sweets had ever seen but it seemed they were crumbling. As she left Sweets turned to Brennan  
"You should tell her" he said, Brennan groaned.  
"She would only worry" Sweets sighed  
"Well you should tell someone from work, it would help ease the tension if it was obvious one of you guys seemed to know what was wrong, what about Cam?" he asked. Brennan snorted  
"She isn't exactly one of us, she's our boss" Sweets laughed  
"Maybe but she works closely with you and by law she can't say anything either." Brennan seemed to realise the same thing.  
"I'll think about it" and then the Forensic Anthropologist left Sweets behind.

Later that day Brennan found herself outside Cams office, it was rare she ever felt nervous but as she raised her hand to knock on the door she felt like she might throw up. That may be the cancer though.  
"Come in" Cam yelled, she looked up from her desk as Brennan answered.  
"Oh Doctor Brennan, what can I do for you?" she asked. Brennan swallowed her pride  
"I need your help" she admitted. Cam tried to hide her surprise but failed.  
"What can I help you with?" she asked. Brennan took a deep breath.  
"I'm sick, I have Astrocytoma" Cam placed her hand to her mouth in shock.  
"Well that certainly explains your recent behavioural changes." Brennan nodded. She didn't quite know what to say. Cam didn't know how to help her, so she pulled the doctor into a hug. This was unusual territory for them both, they were both at odds regarding various things, but she sincerely wished this wouldn't be the thing that broke that.  
"How can I help you Brennan?" she asked. Bones took a deep breath  
"I want you to help me to convince the others that I'm okay for now, I have been of course told to have surgery but until I decide whether it is something I can do I need your help to keep everyone at bay." Cam didn't ask why it wasn't an option for her to have surgery but instead pointed out the obvious flaw in the plan.  
"You will have symptoms, how are you going to hide these from your friends." Brennan shrugged  
"I just… I'll find a way." She trailed off. Cam sighed  
"Okay but you will be put on desk duty until further notice, as you should have been told this kind of cancer affects you mentally as well and your judgement on cases may be impaired." Brennan nodded  
"Thanks Cam" and then the women left. Cam sat back at her desk, her heart aching for her friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Ever since Cam had found out she had been able to convince the others to back off. That was until they were made aware of Brennan being placed on desk duty. There had been uproar, they had expected Brennan to fight it, but the woman simply said it was needed. This made Angela worry even more and as such she found herself in Cams office. The boss looked up  
"Angela" she said. The younger woman frowned  
"You know something" she stated. Cam didn't even blink, she knew this was an eventuality.  
"I know many things Miss Montenegro." Angela scowled  
"You know why Brennan isn't… Brennan" Angela elaborated. Cam blinked, planning her next sentence carefully.  
"She seems like herself, she's still coming to work and arguing with me" Angela frowned. She was so worried about Brennan and Cam wasn't helping.  
"She's been placed on desk duty Cam, _Brennan!_ On desk duty! She would rather give you her life than sit behind a desk all day. She's ignoring us Cam… I… I just want my best friend back." Angela began to cry. Cam placed a hand on her shoulder, a calming gesture.  
"You know as well as I do that I am bound by confidentiality but she's tired Angela…. She's seen and lived more than anyone here and she just wants rest. Who are we to deny her that? She isn't ignoring you guys. She just doesn't want to explain her feelings, you know Doctor Brennan isn't the biggest believer in feelings." Angela sniffled  
"So she doesn't hate us?" she asked. Angela looked so small in that moment, almost childlike. Cam shook her head  
"No, she just wants some peace and quiet, without people questioning her." Angela nodded, pulling Cam into a hug.  
"Thanks Cam."

Meanwhile Hodgins was sat across from an insane criminal.  
"I'm scared for her" Hodgins said. The other man frowned, he was unable to comprehend why Hodgins felt scared, Brennan said she was fine. The man took a deep breath  
"What exactly do you know is wrong with her?" he asked. Hodgins looked up  
"I just told you she's becoming distant, ignoring us" he shook his head.  
"No, I need _exact_ details, is she ill? Is she doing drugs, what is her complexion like?" Hodgins raised his eyebrows before a light began to shine in his eyes. He leaned back slightly  
"Well… she doesn't know I know but I caught her being sick a couple of weeks ago and now that you mention it she does look a little paler, she seems… I don't know kind of stressed." The man contemplated this for a moment. He seemed to be compiling a file in his head and cross examining all her symptoms. It took a moment for him to come up with an answer  
"There are many different illnesses that can give those symptoms, but I think the most logical explanation is that she is making a big decision, one that could change her life." Hodgins paled, he stood up abruptly  
"I got to go, I'll see you next week"  
"Bye Hodgins"  
"Bye and Zack, thank you" the ex-assistant nodded as Hodgins left him alone.

Brennan was sat in her office when Hodgins stormed in, he stood directly across from her, his expressions indicating anger.  
"Doctor Hodgins, what can I help you with?" the scientist took a deep breath, calming himself.  
"When were you going to tell us?" he asked. Brennan looked at him, perplexed. Surely he couldn't know.  
"Doctor Hodgins what on earth are you on about?"  
"Did you think you could keep it a secret?" he demanded. Brennan paled, he knew, he had to but how could he?.  
"You truly are a selfish person, at first it didn't make sense, but all the clues fit in place" he rambled. Brennan gulped  
"Hodgins, I don't know- "he slammed his fist on the desk, making her ornaments shake.  
"God damn it Bones, why didn't you tell us you were leaving!" at the sound of Jacks voice the lab piled into her office. Cam looked shocked whilst Angela looked pale.  
"I-I'm not!" she yelled back.  
"Brennan… sweetie… what's going on?" Brennan stumbled backwards at the looks of sheer anger and confusion on Angela's face. She was about to reply when a new voice was added to the mix,  
"Why are we all in Bone's office?" Booth asked. Brennan began hyperventilating, why did he pick now, of all times to enter the lab?. Hodgins turned to Booth  
"She's leaving" he stated. Booth looked to his former partner, confused. His confusion turned to concern however as blood began running down her nose and her breathing quickened. He was about to help her when Cam jumped into action  
"Everybody out. NOW. Booth call the ambulance, she's having a seizure."


	5. Chapter 5

When Brennan woke up, she saw the world in white, that was until the colours came crashing down to earth and the noises penetrated her ears. She opened her eyes to find a machine beeping to her left. As she assessed the situation she realised that she was at the hospital, next to her sat Angela. She tried to speak but found that the tube in her mouth prevented her from doing so. She began to panic, at the sound of her panicking Angela woke up. The woman jumped up, pressed the buzzer and turned to Brennan.  
"Sweetie, Sweetie, Calm down! The nurse will be here soon."

Whilst Brennan was freaking out Booth was fuming. He stood in Sweet's office with Cam and the phycologist watching him in silence.  
"You didn't think it was important to, I don't know, maybe tell me my partner was dying!" he yelled. Cam had the decency to look ashamed whilst Sweets looked like Christmas had come early.  
"Seeley- "Cam began but Booth turned to her, his face red and a vain looking like it was ready to burst.  
"Do. Not. Seeley. Me" he breathed. Cam looked shocked at the amount of sheer hatred on his face.  
"She is my _partner!_ She is the one who… who… she's my best friend and neither of you told me!" he yelled. Sweets chuckled, and Booth turned to him, anger evident.  
"Why are you laughing! Is the death of my partner amusing?" Sweets took a step forward as Cam shot him a look.  
"No, Booth you and I both know that Temperance Brennan is the strongest woman alive, she can beat this. I am not laughing at her, just your misdirected anger." He said.  
"Misdirected? Oh, I think it's perfectly directed." Booth scowled. Sweets tutted and shook his head  
"No, you're not really angry at us Booth. You are just yelling at us because you can't be angry at the one person that you want to be angry at." A look of understanding crossed Cams face but Booth shook in anger at Sweets' suggestion.  
"I am not mad at Bones,"  
"Yes you are, you are mad because she pushed you all away instead of confiding in you" Booth was about to reply when his phone rang. When he answered it he nodded, as if the person on the other end could hear him. Then, without an explanation he left the room.

Brennan was sat in bed when he got there, her breathing tube had been removed and she was chatting with Angela. She smiled at him when he walked in and Booth felt his anger fade, how she had the power to do that to him he really had no idea. Slowly he walked over, almost like he was scared that she'd disappear if he moved too quick. When he got nearer to her bed he stopped. She laughed at him  
"I won't break if you come closer" she promised. He nodded but the vision of her fitting was sealed in his mind.

 _He watched as her body seemed to physically bounce off the ground with each seizure, he tried to remain calm as her head hit the floor with a hard SMACK._

Angela seemed to sense his hesitation and walked over to him, she grabbed his hand and pulled him forward until he was closer to Brennan. She then placed his hand in Brennans  
"She's okay" she whispered in his ear and then she walked out.

Booth drank in the sight of Bones, he was sure that she wasn't going to make it, at one point the doctors were not sure either.  
"I'm guessing you know" she asked, it was rather more of a statement. Booth nodded, numbly.  
"Yeah" he whispered. She looked down  
"I didn't mean to keep it a secret I… I just…. I couldn't- "he placed his palm under her chin, stopping her tirade.  
"Shush… look we'll talk about all that, trust me and you best believe you and I will be having some serious conversations about self-preservation. Now, however, I just want to talk to you and have you talk back" She nodded. He sat next to her, feeling relived for the first time in a week, as he watched her talk, albeit with a bit of a wispy voice, he smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

Bones spent the next two days in hospital, with only Booth or Angela for company. It was whilst talking to Booth however that Bones had realised the affect of her collapse had had on her friends. Booth had said that Angela had been a nervous wreck and Hodgins had gone into self-hate mode. He blamed himself for Brennan's collapse. Cam had been called in front of both the Jeffersonian board and their friends to answer why she thought it was okay to keep Brennans secret. Sweets had watched all of her friends fall apart in concern. Brennan shook her head  
"I do not understand… I understand losing me would hurt and that I went about protecting everyone wrongly. Yet you are all mad at Cam and Sweets for doing their jobs properly." Booth had laughed  
"Bones, for someone so intelligent you can be quite dense, we're mad because as much as they are our boss and phycologist we also think of them as friends. How do you think it would feel if you died and they knew you were dying but we didn't?" Bones contemplated what he was saying  
"You would be angry but that's what I wanted, I would rather you all be angry than have to feel the pain of loss" she admitted. Booth frowned  
"Yes but we would be angry at the loss we feel"  
"Anger is an easier emotion to process"  
"Says who?"  
"Many people"  
"Well they are obviously stupid, I wouldn't put much stock in them"  
"They are respected scientists Booth."  
"Yes, well I'm a respected F.B.I agent and I say that your logic is stupid"  
"My logic is sound Booth, you're just upset that I'm right" Booth threw his hands up in the air  
"Yes Bones, you are one hundred percent right that I'm mad at your logic!" he said, sarcastically. Bones was about to reply when a cough erupted behind them. They turned around to see Hodgins stood there with flowers in hand.  
"You know you're meant to be resting" he noted. Bones smiled  
"I am, I am lying" and then pointed to her self lying as if to reinforce the point. Hodgins laughed  
"Typical" he muttered. Booth stared between the two and quietly excused himself.

Hodgins crept forward, he placed her flowers in the vase on her bedside table.  
"Sorry I haven't visited you yet" He apologised. "The labs just been crazy, and someone had to tell Zack you were ill and I've just had so much to do, do you know that there are nearly six point five million species on earth, that's not counting the species under water and- "  
"It's not your fault" Brennan cut him off. Hodgins turned to her, his eyes sad.  
"They said that you were stressed which caused pressure on your brain." He admitted, Brennan said nothing, she just stared at him. Hodgins was usually neat about his appearance but not today, his hair was a mess, his shoes were battered, and his clothes looked wrinkled, not to mention the beard he was currently owning. She sighed  
"This was not your fault Hodgins, it was mine." The man opened his mouth to defend her but she stopped him.  
"I didn't tell you and because of that you jumped to conclusions, yes admittedly being yelled at probably triggered a panic attack but that didn't cause the seizure, I have brain cancer Hodgins and as I am sure you are aware that means that seizures are inevitable." Hodgins seemed relived but also confused at her words. Brennan saw the confusion and grabbed his hand, he looked to her, trying to stop his tears.  
"I do not blame you, I do not know why I didn't tell you, Angela or Booth. That was a mistake on my part. You can't blame yourself, understood?" she said. When he didn't answer she asked him again and he nodded numbly. The Forensic Anthropologist grinned  
"Good, now if you excuse me I am rather tired." Hodgins nodded and before Brennan had time to react he pulled her into a hug.  
"I am so glad you are okay" she nodded as he left.


End file.
